Recovery Discoveries

I did learn one new thing about myself during the holidays. Now that I'm in year six of recovery from abusive fundegelical Christianity I am not willing to passively sit back and allow my former abusers to try to heap more on me again.

While I was working the trunk show at Costco one night a former member of my old church came in. I recognized her from a long distance away and I know she saw Laura and I. But each time I caught her looking at us she looked away. This must of happened at least a dozen times. Jane would gaze curiously at Laura or myself until one of us turned to her and she frowned and looked elsewhere.

This was working my last nerve for a variety of reasons. First of all I'd always been on good terms with Jane. We'd never been anything but cordial to each other even after my leaving. Second, I could see how this was affecting Laura. Laura had come to reject anything of faith after being hurt repeatedly by these people. And here was another one heaping it on again.

I walked over towards her a couple of times and she darted away. Finally I cornered her at the cash stand and told her that what she was doing was cruel to Laura. I didn't get a rats patootie if she spoke to or even acknowledged my existence with the nod of a head but I would not allow someone to continue to hurt my daughter that way. Pointed out I had nothing against her or any of the others still at the church and I wasn't involved in their split and I would have greeted her gladly. Everyone is owed basic human decency.

Jane said nothing, just gasped in shock and walked away without a word.

Several days later Carol from the old church came in and she was friendly to me, but she always had been ever since Jim and I had spent time with her before and after her kidney cancer surgery. She turned to us because of Jim's own cancer surgery.

While Carol stood there in the Costco she told me many things that had happened at the old church, filling in the blanks from what Josie and the ones on the other side had shared. Things made more sense now.

Turns out our old pastor Patrick had been moving monies around in different accounts of the church to pay himself after most everyone who had high salaries that tithed left. I knew of Patrick's letter he'd sent everyone in the church the year after we left. The letter speculated about the salaries of most at the church and what percentage were tithing. Patrick went on to say he demanded everyone fully tithe their ten percent. It was angry, it was ranty and many resented it so badly they stopped tithing, hence the money shuffling against the wishes of the Elders board.

At some point Patrick just started taking money without going through the Elders, basically he embezzled what little there was left in the building fund, mission funds and other set asides. When confronted Patrick resigned suddenly.

I knew there had to be more to the story than Patrick suddenly deciding that he was going to teach yet ending up being the dairy stocker at the local grocery store. Saints with feet of clay!

At the old church so many people idolized, sucked up to, treated Patrick like a rock star that could do no wrong when it was painfully apparent that he was just a guy with the flaws and foibles everyone deals with.

Carol, Jane and pals are outraged that Patrick has been hired on as a part time pastor at a much bigger church and are determined to make a stink, out him as a thief to that congregation so he'll be fired.

I suspect the other congregation's ministerial team already knows and that Patrick is allowed nowhere near the funds. This is a small town and nasty secrets have a way of squirming out.

Isn't the whole point of Christianity that we're all going to mess up and need forgiveness? I know I sure do and I probably shouldn't have said the things I did to Jane. Why can't we all just get along. Why does religion always have to devolve into the 'us versus them' mentality?