Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Authoritative Marriage?

A couple of days ago I posted something by Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy ministries at No Longer Quivering in our new feature Quoting Quiverful. I was a fundigelical for many years and would have tried to believe and implement what that Debi Pearl quote says but now I've walked away from that whole controlling abusive mindset.

“…first know that a husband has authority to tell his wife what to wear, where to go, whom to talk to, how to spend her time, when to speak or not to, even if he is unreasonable and insensitive.”
Just reading that small quote from Pearl's book "Created To Be His Help Mate" makes me want to hurl things and dirty language her way. I know my marriage could never work that way. Hell, we really tried to do that but it just makes both Jim and I uncomfortable.

Some men, Jim included, don't function well when they have to lord it over their spouse and make all the decisions. Example? My yesterday.

Yesterday morning I had to trade cars with Jim and drop his off at the mechanics shop. One of the mechanics at the shop took a look at the car last week and said the noise we both kept hearing was a bearing that needed replacing.

But when I drove the car there I noticed the noise was louder and located in the engine compartment. When I reached the car repair place I told the mechanic that would be working on it that there was engine noise too and that I wanted it checked out as well.

Later the shop called to tell me that the noise was not the bearings and that the bearings did not need replacement. What was wrong was that the serpentine belt  was worn out and making noise. The compressor for the air conditioning was loose too. After the belt replacement and compressor being tightened down there was no more noise. They also asked me if I wanted them to do an oil replacement because of the mileage on the oil tag on the window and the fact that the oil in the engine looked darker than normal. Sure, I told them to go ahead and do it all.

So if I'm following Debi Pearl's words I don't dare venture an opinion or approve any of the work because this is a man's territory. But I think it's a more healthy opinion when both the husband and wife work together and trust each other enough to know if the other partner makes a decision on something they are dealing with it's one for the good of their life together. We both have different and the same roles in our live together, sometimes it's him making the decision to get the oil changed, sometimes it's my call.

I often wonder how those types of ladies, the submitting making no real decisions types, would survive as a widow or single woman? Is it okay to make your own decisions if there's not some man standing over you telling you want to do?

It must be like being thrown into the middle of the ocean with only a puny set of Floaties to help you. Overwhelmingly scary.

You might be submissive to your husband but it is pure foolishness not to know how to do things like change your own car tire or balance the check book or understand how your insurance policy works. Just knowing how to budget the household income and having some oversight of the monthly bills is useful. When husbands control everything to the extent in that Debi Pearl quote it reduces men to the plantation oversee and everyone else a cotton picker with no understanding of anything beyond pulling the white fluffiness that is cotton from a cracked brown cotton bole.

Reduces a woman to the level of a child. How on earth can you be a "help mate" when you have no knowledge of many things. Help Mate suggests to me a type of egalitarianism, partners working side by side in trust and love together. 

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