Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Feminism, Fashion, Fat, Fear, Failure and Other F-Words

One of the things I've embraced since leaving Evangelicalism is the F-Word. It really feels powerful to be using a stupid word that makes True Christians (tm) feel all faintified. Forbidden in the past, now it seems like a justified and useful expletive when things are going sideways. It's powerful.

I try not to use it all the time, but the last couple of weeks really cranked up my F-Word usage.

Dealing with the IRS, slogging back and forth to the local IRS customer service center about an hour away. The guys that work there are wonderful and competent. Unfortunately it seems none of the IRS folks in Philadelphia seem to know anything. Today the fellow working on my file was borderline cursing. I got the feeling if circumstances were a little different, like we weren't been recorded, there might have been some F-words flying. He stuck to crap, darn and damn instead.

Laura graduated with a BS in Business Management from George Mason University on Friday. So proud of her! She started working today at Mason. They hired her in the HR dept. She has somehow misplaced her birth certificate and social security card so there has been some drama and dirty words thrown about as I tried to help her locate both to no avail.

Still going back and forth from Johns Hopkins in Bayview. Still a pain in the neck driving on I-95 and the Capital Beltway to get there and back. But the therapy is helping even if driving on the Beltway keeps me in a hyper-alert fear state of all the other drivers.

Been pricing out new appliances for the house and getting the nice pat on the head you little woman thing from the salesman who thinks I should have brought the husband with me to make the final decision. Not happening and I'm going to order from Costco instead of this local company. I use the appliances, I usually pay for them out of my money and I don't consult Jim, so being patronized by a smarmy male chauvinist salesmen means he is not getting a dime in commission off me. Haven't we already killed that whole 'little woman' thing?

Saturday I got fat-shamed~ It was the first time in ages this has happened and it's ironic since I'm at my lowest weight in ten years. I guess being fat is still the most socially accepted discrimination.

Jim and I went to the Reston Arts and Crafts festival because one of his old high school friends makes jewelry and was selling at the festival. Jim and I wandered around and I ooohed and awwed over the handmade clothing and jewelry. I went into one booth, where the man had dresses he'd designed and had made a ton of crocheted silver wire jewelry, something I've done in the past but was a pain in the ass.

I wanted one of the simple tee shirt dresses that have back applique technique circles on it, was going to buy one that was one size down from what I'm already wearing. There was just one problem. The owner/artist/guy running the booth would not address me, make eye contact or anything. Every single time some other lady walked into his booth who was not large, like a size six or eight, he'd greet them, chat them up, whatever. Me? I got the eyefucking from him that said, "Get Out Fatty!"

And so I did. And then I copied his design......





Took me an hour, some tee shirt cotton knit and a few scraps of hand dyed batik fabric.

I refuse to let someone elses prejudices cause me to feel bad about myself. Fuck him. He missed out on a sale as I was prepared to buy one for me and one for Laura.


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