Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Stings, Arrows & Dead Batteries

Yesterday I should have just stayed in bed. I got up and did the usual work and house things before deciding to head out for the five dollar burger deal at a nearby Glory Days. I hadn't had a burger there in ages, Monday is the day to go while they're cheap, plus I knew I could get my burger wrapped in lettuce with a side of steamed veggies instead of fries.

It didn't quite work out like I anticipated. I tried to call Joannie to go with me so I could bitch about what a bitch I'd been to Diana the day before but she never called me back, just sent a Facebook message about a mutual friend being hauled to the hospital with a possible brain tumor and a request to pray.

I left around noon for my burger, but when I pulled into the parking lot and turned off the engine to my car the air conditioning kept blasting and would not switch off. Had this problem another insanely hot day a few weeks ago when I drove up to Northern Virginia to go to a Potomac Nationals minor league baseball game with Jim, Laura and Ian. That time the a/c finally cut off after a few minutes of running and it was a day like yesterday with temps in the high nineties.I decided not to chance it, just go on home.

Got home, turned off car and went inside. A/c off. Came back ninety minutes  later to find the car a/c blasting, yes it switched on while I was inside and not driving or running the car. By that point it had drained the battery. Eventually the a/c cut off because the battery was drained. I threw up my hands in frustration and went back into the house, resigned to an afternoon with no transportation but beyond going to the recycle center had nowhere I had to go. Or so I thought.

On my way back into the house I was stung by a wasp, another thing I am deathly allergic to. Managed to give myself an epipen injection followed by injectable benadryl.

Usually when you use your epipen you're supposed to go to the ER. I don't always because there's not a lot they can do but monitor me, give me oxygen and injectable benadryl. Yesterday I sat there and did the scary 'do I call an ambulance' thing because my car was dead, waiting with dread and panic attacks to see if my asthma/allergic attack would back off enough to avoid the ER. It did, but it made for some hairy moments here.

It helped that during my hyper vigilant do I or don't I call the ambulance I was able to talk to several friends on Facebook. One of them had been bullied by some of the same people I ran afoul of last summer and fall. We ended up talking a great deal about the need to develop and learn kindness post-leaving dangerous faith systems. There's just something about most of fundamentalism that just kills kindness dead and does not teach it to the children in the system. I've seen much of the lack of kindness first hand. Which means I'm going to try to be kinder, because that's the only thing that's going to help heal all the damaged persons coming out of the church. There's no real safe places in recovery but perhaps practicing kindness might help others to feel 'safe'

At that point I just gave up and went to bed for the rest of the day with my nebulizer. Jim was away at a Washington Nations baseball game and didn't get home till after midnight.

When Jim did come home he had gossip from our old church about our old pastor morphing into an alcoholic. At first I was pretty shocked, but as I thought back about puzzling happenings and interactions with the old pastor there are some things that never made sense to me that really clicked suddenly into place. Poor thing, I feel bad for him because that's not an easy path for anyone, particularly a pastor. For all my nasty journey out of the old church this pastor was not one of those trying to spiritually abuse me, he had his hands full with the hateful nuts at the old church. I hope he manages to kick this thing.

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