Jim surprised me with roses on Saturday afternoon before we went out for that early dinner. We'd originally planned to spend Valentine's Day visiting our son and daughter so did our dinner the day before. It didn't work out because both Andy and Laura had colds, we stayed away to keep from catching their illnesses. Because of the immunio-supressants I take for my asthma I catch everything coming down the pike. Sort of like that Simpsons episode where Homer went back in time, sneezed on a dinosaur and they all dropped dead. Trying to prevent that from happening, hee.
Saturday night as I sat in our local Mexican restaurant practicing my pigeon bastard Spanish like a true gringo and drooling in anticipate of their Chile Relenos block of fried cheese (take that arteries!) I noticed I had a pile of messages from Vyckie Garrison and Cindy Kunsman, pointing me towards the Apple meme as illustrated by Jeff Woodward, Vaughn Ohlman's pal.
And the rest of the night was gone for me, filled with truly tacky apple puns. See, Cindy made me this delightful apple pie filled with daughters graphic.-
And the days since have been filled with thinking about the patriarchy and how wrong they are on so many levels. How so few of them have much of a working functional idea of what women are. Women must be so scary to guys in the Christian patriarchy, they aren't men and they have an inny instead of an outie between their legs. A foreign species altogether.
While I've been laughing over the rotten awful apple puns and using the last of my apple pie apples to make pies I've also been sort of sad, starting with that day supposedly in honor of romantic love, St. Valentine's Day.
I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day for the same reason I gag on some theology. It's a fake version of something real. It's like comparing one of those nasty old Tab drinks to a full sugar Mexican-made Coca Cola in a six ounce glass bottle, chilled with beads of sweat running down the glass on a hot day. One day of the year for show is nothing, show me how you feel by your actions the other days.
The patriarchs, the self-proclaimed Good Christian patriarchs are making me feel so grieved by how they limit not just themselves, but everyone around them.
These guys, they're missing out. Their own limited theology, world views and mind sets are robbing them blind. Robbing them of a happiness that could just be theirs if they only knew. Even by their 'Biblical' standards they are missing out.
Why? How? By thinking that women are somehow lesser beings they have to protect and control, instead of a true partner, someone they can be honest and real with, receive love and support in a safe natural way. A real partner, not lesser or subservient, but standing by your side, loving you warts and all without having to pretend that you're so perfect. There is great comfort in having a partner, not an underling or a boss, next to you.
Look at how Christ treated women in the Bible, as equals, something unheard of in a time when you didn't dare speak to women you weren't related to by blood or marriage. I think of His example a lot, and wonder how some of the disciples deviated so far from that example, setting up millions of folks to be profoundly unhappy without any idea why. It's a bondage that hurts everyone under the guise of 'righteousness'
Don't let it rob you of joy and intimacy in your marriage.
Since leaving my old church that is one thing that has improved immensely, my marriage. I no longer tiptoe around trying not to upset my husband, to be better, to always be happy, to take every responsibility for his emotional state. Gaining the ability to be real with him without worrying about if I'm submissive enough or good enough or Godly has been healing. We talk things over, decide and yes, occasionally disagree. It's much more satisfying than the roles we were trying fruitlessly to fill. It was freeing.
I hope you find that freedom.
Now, my last apple pun... One Bad Apple .. a song I tormented my parents with during my years as an Osmond fan..