I'm still sick. It's like last time I had this infection. Good day (yesterday) followed by bad day (today). The only thing I accomplished today was running the bucket of washcloths I've been using as hot compresses through the sanitize steam cycle on my washer. Yes, I am back to having to sterilize anything I use to keep Jim from picking this antibiotic resistant infection up.
Sometimes I don't realize just how far I've gone from my old 'do everything perfectly' until I run up against situations and realize it's okay to be imperfect, to be wrong, to do things in a way opposite everything I was taught at my old church.
Example: Today, dragging around with a high fever wanting just to lay down. Started feeling like i needed something sweet and had nothing like that around here. I've been good, eaten right so I decided I was going to give in the to craving.
I started to go right back into my old fundamentalist mother mode. I pulled out the stainless steel mixing bowl, the butter, the eggs, the flour and prepared to start making brownies. Quickly realized because I cook and eat very differently now that I had nowhere near enough cocoa to make brownies. I was deflated, dashed hopes and expectations, almost started to mentally berate myself for failing to keep a fully stocked pantry, like I used to do in my old cult church days when I cooked copiously from scratch every single day.
Yeah, I got huge freaking piles of kale and things like yogurt, tofu and fruit, but nothing sweet and that says 'comfort food'
What did I do? I went to the local Starbucks for a latte and a single fresh scone. It was enough. I didn't feel guilty. I didn't beat myself up for failing to make brownies, doing the easy thing, spending money or any of the countless guilt buttons this would have been pushed in my old days.
I got an assortment of scones, doughnuts and danishes for the house just in case my husband Jim wants one.
Life is just so much more simple outside of the cult church walls where a scone is really just a scone without moral value or guilt.