It's only Wednesday and it's already been a difficult week. Jim isn't getting any substitute teaching assignments due to it being Spring Break here. I'm being rubbed the wrong way by him, have been pretty angry over some of his behavior and been calling him out on it. Plus the asthma is bad again. Oh joy!
When the asthma's this bad I tend to walk around in my amphetamine-like haze hating on things randomly, like the very loud mouthed gal in the college lounge yesterday when I was attempting to work on No Longer Quivering. Her voice just kept cutting into my brain like a buzz saw. I'm still patting myself on my back for not going off on her or saying a word. Loud talkers bother me normally, but filled with asthma drugs and it becomes another level altogether.
But that's a good thing, right? That ability to control oneself when you really feel like visiting physical harm on someone for some very silly thing?
You know what else is a good thing? Not having to tiptoe around and bottle your ire or irritation with your spouse like you must in fundamentalism. The ability to be real and express your feelings, even when the feelings aren't nice ones.
I still struggle to find balance post-fundy town, knowing I sometimes overreact and I sometimes do or say the wrong thing. But I'm real now, unlike I was all those years before. That feels good. A real Spring Break.