Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Tomorrow Never Knows

The title happens to be that of my favorite Beatles song. An odd psychedelic one. "Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream" is much easier said than done. Particularly at night when you are trying to wind down and sleep and you're worrying about a multitude of things, like if you remembered to pay off your credit card yet or if your relatives in Louisiana are safe from the flooding.

But the other day I got to see a movie that used the song in a sequence 'Sucker Punch'

Not the sort of movie I would usually watch, but this one spoke deeply to me. If you've not seen it the film is set in an insane asylum/mental hospital and one of the patients, Baby Doll, goes into the most incredibly detailed disassociative states.  She even goes into a second state of disassociation that turns her and her fellow detainees into powerful warrior women on a mission to find the items they need in order to escape from the hospital they are all incarcerated at.

That's how I survived some of my childhood and young adulthood, when I was abused, completely disassociated and went somewhere else in my head. It wasn't as detailed, powerful or disturbing as Baby Doll's world is in 'Sucker Punch'.

But sometimes the memories that randomly pop up are every bit as disturbing and unexpected as a literal sucker punch.

Been a tough week. A friend has been threatening suicide because of the increasing pain of life. Another friend has been suffering the unkind slings and arrows of the willfully ignorant and I was sucker punched by these and other happenings.

Yesterday afternoon was the hardest. My SIL has tried to reestablish contact with us, not in a fun happy or even asking forgiveness sort of way, but complaining about my maw in law. She emailed us to recount an incident with the maw in law supposedly throwing a tantrum and tossing something to the floor of her room when the SIL was trying to interact with her.

We're not replying. We've gone no contact on the recommendation of my counselor. But it's disturbing. My maw is law is in her nineties but I've never seen in all the time I've known her a moment of frustration so intense and illogical that she strikes out in a physical way or in a 'tantrum'.

I'm not buying it. I'm thinking there is a heap of bad feelings, possibly even some abusive words or speech being directed at my mother in law. This is just not something she's doing for 'no reason'.  Guess it's time to talk to the attorney again and talk to the maw in law to see what legal pressures can be brought to move my maw in law up here. She deserves better than the barely concealed hostility and rage of a mentally unstable woman.

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