Monday, October 10, 2016

Grabbing That Pussy

A rant. A triggering event.

Today when I was back at the endocrinologist's office the nurse noted that while my glucose levels are now normal and I've lost another 7 pounds in six weeks my blood pressure was elevated. I had to look at her, sigh and said, "I'm not surprised. Did you see that debate last night?"

I didn't watch the entire debate. I listened to a large portion of it, but I knew I could not watch. I already had a stomach ache thinking about the debate all day. I knew that to lay eyes on Donald Trump was going to be enough to sent me over the edge. As it was I found myself yelling at the television from my listening post in my office. Eventually I had to ditch, crawl into my special reading nook I have tricked out in a Paris theme and finish reading a book on the Amish and forgiveness.

From the moment the news came out spelling out the description of sexual assault from the very mouth of Donald Trump I've been nothing but triggered. It might be old, but hearing it said aloud like that, with such glee, was triggering on so many levels.

It makes me so happy I'm old and not out in the world in the workforce any longer.

I spent a lot of this weekend reminded anew about being sexually molested from ages 7 to 9 years old. Of a sexual assault by a classmate when I was 15 years old and the many times I've been subjected to sexual harassment or borderline assault in my younger days. The boss at the jewelry store that would try to corner me in the diamond viewing room and cop a feel. The old man at the store Jim and I used to own twenty years ago who cornered me near the drinks cooler and forcefully grabbed my breasts. The many times I was told that a promotion/raise or promise of a job was tied to my providing sexual favors to someone and the walking away from all those opportunities. The time I was a model/spokesperson/presenter at a convention and had to fend off the pussy-grabbers and so many other times in my youth where someone tried something vile without my permission.

This type of thinking and behavior must stop! It might have been more common when I was young, but NO ONE needs to be trying to behave this way, or think, or talk this way. It's rape culture, it's bragging about assault. It's not 'locker room' talk. If it were I'd be ready to burn that locker room to the ground.

I have barely been able to stop trembling since Friday afternoon as I'm reminded anew of being assaulted. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, even on people like Debi Pearl or Nancy Campbell.

I've been almost indifferent about this election up until today. I wasn't crazy about any of the four running. In fact I told Jim that to me it was like having to pick between contracting whooping cough, the flu, food poisoning and chicken pox. I didn't know exactly who I would vote for when it came down to it. Now I know.  I was wrong. It's like having to chose between Ebola, the flu, food poisoning and chicken pox. Anyone but Ebola.

Trump is toxic. It frightens me that a newly married man could be so callously bragging about his sexual assault skills, even that long ago. He has no business being president, he needs therapy.

I'm suspecting I'm not the only one coming to that rapid conclusion. Today, as I drove to and from the doctor's office I counted the signs for president. In the last few months here in the Virginia Piedmont there have been plenty of Trump signs with a few scattered Clinton signs, As of this afternoon the signs have changed, many of the places formerly sporting huge Trump signs have now either removed them, or they've been replaced with Hillary signs. Now I'd say it was about 3 Trump signs spotted to about 25 Hillary signs. This is unusual in very conservative religious Virginia, but I'm sensing a change here.

I'm still triggered and nauseous but I think I'm not the only one.

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