I never thought I'd say this, but I'm pretty sick of the internet.
Jim's spent the early evening till now flaked out on our old comfortable leaking goose down sofa watching one of his favorite things - those Alaska survival shows. I cannot budge him, he loves those things. They pretty much straight up horrify me.
I don't object to the folks on the shows living off the grid on squirrel guts and moose blubber, but I just so cannot understand or relate. I sit on my comfortable sofa in front of the wood stove and shiver in my heavy sweater thinking that only someone in their not right mind would want to live above the Arctic Circle in what amounts to a plywood shack without electricity. It's sure not for me.
Occasionally I'll watch these shows with Jim, seeking to understand that mind set. My mind always goes to the practical, things like how can you live without hot water, a fully functioning bathtub and no fridge. How much harder and more work living like pioneer days would be.
It's hard to understand what's going on in the minds of some of the folks on the shows. One guy this afternoon said that he was pretty sure Bigfoot had chased him around the woods a couple of times.
I have no room to throw rocks at his belief in Bigfoot considering I once used to believe some things that are pretty wacky in comparison, Like that God healed anyone that asked, but if you didn't see the healing manifest in the natural it was because of some unbelief or spiritual oppression or unconfessed sin within you. Now I go to the doctor, I take the prescribed meds and I rest when I get this sick instead of begging a magical sky fairy holy slot machine to 'pick meeeeeeeeee' I now realize that many of the religious beliefs I was taught at Possum Creek don't line up with much of anything that is in the New Testament, or science, or common sense.
One day soon I'll have to sit down and outline where my faith, or former faith, now lines up. I'm not exactly an atheist, but I'm sure no longer drinking the koolaid.
But... everyone's free to believe whatever it is they want to believe and live that way as long as they aren't forcing anyone else to live like that or harming others. I would never tell them that they are living wrong, or that they cannot do those things. For me it would be a disaster. I keep thinking about being that far away from my infectious disease doctor and not having the ability to run down to the local Trader Joe's for some good chocolate when you're having a craving or a rough day. Crapping in a plastic bucket in a shed in a blizzard would so not work for me at all. Them? Godspeed and good luck, I hope it makes them happy.
I think that's one of the unfortunate things about the internet, people don't understand your motivations, or even make any effort to consider you might have a different mind set, or perhaps you did this or that, or screwed up because you're having a physically rough time of it, or you've got mood swings, cramps, just having a crappy or happy day. No attempts made to understand a damn thing, just rush in there with a morally superior attitude and take a swing at someone. Everything is just filtered through their own bullshit. Yeah, I know, I'm guilty of this too. I'll be the first to admit it.
The last week while I've been struggling with my health, high pain levels and the addling force of pain pills. I've flubbed up left and right updating NLQ, misunderstanding something I read and then wrote up, putting the wrong image here or there, struggling to make the keywords fit, putting my big old size ten shoe in my mouth. It ain't been pretty, neither my mind or the things I've done.
After the week I've had I think I'm going to have to take an internet fast, just like my friend Cindy Kunsman, because it's gotten frustrating dealing with the mind sets of others, assumptions and accusations. Facebook has turned into a ever flowing river of crap and false news instead of my usual source of kittens, cute animal videos and yakking with friends. Plus the news feed is screwing with the cha-cha that is my vision, adding to the pain pill power puking event going on here.
Watching Jim fighting with friends, family and assorted others about fake news and politics has been pretty hard to stomach on my Facebook feed. Getting sucked into a few of his fights with others has been blood pressure elevating. I'm going to have to research how to put some filters on it before I come back online much more than a few hours here and there.
Still getting off line and dragging my tired old ass around this afternoon meant I was able to finish up with some of the things I've been putting off while sick. I made the most heavenly smelling soap this afternoon and a six months supply of deodorant. Perhaps that's not such a bad thing after all.