Friday, January 13, 2017

Full Moon and Crickets Chirping

I can always tell when it's a full moon before checking any calendar or almanac. People in this tiny Southern town start behaving in some ornery ways. Not just the bad drivers either. I think my encounter with the senile man at the dentist happened during the last full moon of 2016. Most of my crazier near accidents happen during the full moon and the dapper senior men that think the grocery store is a real life Tinder are worse during that time too.

When I worked in social work it was when the patients/inmates were the most irrational and rowdy too.

I noticed yesterday afternoon that our 16 year old neighbor girl was busy giving a teenaged boy a ride on the top of her car around the neighborhood. He made a seriously demented looking large hood ornament. That's something you don't see every day While he fell off the hood at least he didn't bust his head and leak his brains out on the pavement. No wonder statistics show that horrible things happen with teens between 3 and 6 pm. There's no one home to watch them reenact Jackass stunts.

Supposed to snow/sleet tonight and into tomorrow midday on top of all that. I neglected to consider that when I went out to replenish my hording of diet coke and fizzy mineral water, meaning everywhere I went was filled with frantic people seizing up all the bread and milk, acting more agitated than usual and filled with the obscenely overtly besecented. Lots of foggy clouds of cologne.

I had to don my hepa filter mask because the store was so crowded with snow panickers that as soon as I walked in the door I started wheezing like crazy. Put on the mask, picked up a few things, picked up prescriptions and prepared to pay for my groceries. The ladies in the pharmacy section said it was smart of me with my wrecked immune system to be wearing that mask in the store that day because apparently a large portion of the town is sick with the flu right now. But I've had that particular strain earlier in the year, in the fall before I got my flu shot.

Except for the crowds and the wiped out dairy and bakery section the trip was going okay. Spotted no one from my old church, which is one reason I shop at this particular grocery store with the organic foods and gourmet items. Most of the ones I wish would just leave me the heck alone only shop at Aldi or Walmart. At least until I started checking out. Things went full moon weirdorama.

I took one of the six self checkout stations and started scanned produce and diet coke. There was a line waiting for an empty terminal, there was an empty checkout station right next to mine, but the first lady in line kept staring at me with a horror struck look before she started giving me angry glares. I pointed over to the empty working checkout station and told her it was free and she went off on me, all yelling and spittle-flying worked up.

Apparently because I wore a hepa filter mask over my mouth and nose she thought this signaled I was Typhoid Mary roaming the aisles gleefully spreading Ebola and the Plague to the bread-grabbing masses. I tried to cut her off and explain that it was to keep my asthma in check in a free floating sea of colognes and cigarette smells, but she kept shrilling insisting I should stay at home and stop trying to spread my germs. There oughta be a LAW! D'oh!

Slunk off home majorly embarrassed after receiving the death glares of everyone in line that assumed what the angry random woman said was true. Spend the rest of the day firming up our hotel reservations for our trip.

Which made me realize something. It's been strangely quiet in the religious peanut gallery from my old church that loves to look at my Facebook feed and either send me pms telling me I'm going to hell for watching 'Game of Thrones' or mocking the president elect, or posting things with a very oblique passive aggressive sub context.

I am curious to see if what happened on my last Costa Rica trip happens this time too. Last time we went and I posted a couple of photos on my Facebook feed apparently some of the usual gang of people were discussing how disgusting it was that my husband and I were living it up like rich tourists. Which was silly. It was a nice enough trip, but definitely NOT lux at all. We stayed at pretty average resorts, which meant we weren't much in the rooms, usually at the beach, at the volcano, at the lake or jungle, not in the tiny rooms.

But I had fun after someone forwarded to me all the whining and complaining about our trip on their closed list. I took up the posting up a few notches knowing I had a jealous audience. Posted things like about the day I had a nude massage outdoors in the sunshine in spa built into the volcano rock in the side of the actual volcano, while clutching a tropical drink of rum and mangoes.

This time is going to be decidedly less fancy than last time. We didn't buy a travel agent package. We are not staying at resorts, more local places and cabinas that cost a lot less. I doubt there's going to be outdoor nekkid massages or tropical drinks with bananas and rum and little paper umbrellas. But I guarantee the usual people will say the usual things about how wasteful and what bad stewards we are of the money that the Lord has granted us. If they only knew just how hard we penny pinched and saved to pull off this trip, how many months planning went into it.

That's another thing that puzzles me about my old faith community. When something good happens to people I know I'm happy for them, not comparing or judging and thinking they are assholes or awful for that good thing. I wish them well.

Most of the time in the old church people seemed to thrive on hearing that bad things had happened, enjoying the misery, but hating when something positive happened to someone else. I hope I never get that way.

Although if they start gossiping this time I had nothing to poke them with this time. Poking mean people has its moments of fun too. Particularly the self righteous and judgmental.

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