Sunday, January 14, 2018

Pre Funerial Worries

Yeah, it's the middle of the night. Yeah, I'm up.

Why? I cannot sleep because I'm doing some pre-memorial service worrying.

A week from today we will be state side while a house sitter lives in our Tamarindo home to feed the kitty, water my sad attempt at a vegetable garden and keep random locals from breaking in and stealing our crappy tiny television. There will finally be a memorial service from my Maw in Law, who passed in mid October while we were also state side.

We wanted the funeral and memorial service to take place while we were there in October. Even our kids flew out to Texas in anticipation of a funeral. My husband's brother and his second wife, Mrs. Satan. insisted we not hold the funeral then, but do it the week between Christmas and New Years. Great, just what I always wanted to do, give up two holidays and pay outrageously inflated airline fare on the busiest week of high tourist season here in Costa Rica. We dickered back and forth a few times on the best day to hold the service and we insisted on it being in late January when we come up again against our 90 day visas.

If you've been reading here awhile you'll realize there's just so much to hate about this situation. But it does have the merit of being the last time I have to see those two, particularly Mrs. Satan. We have knocked heads now more than a few times. I believe I'm dealing with an odd strain of mental illness and manipulation when I'm around her. A ruined Christmas, some disrespectful attacks on my husband when he wanted to move the Maw in Law's investment funds and a long laundry list of crazy. See why I'm dreading this service?

When the Maw in Law passed we were told by her that no one could say a thing about it on Facebook. They were being oh so secret squirrel about the situation, and once the memorial service was planned they insisted no posting about the memorial service on Facebook. I've honored that even if I'm not crazy about it. Facebook is a great way to get out news on things like wakes and funerals to far flung friends and relatives.

A couple of weeks ago both Jim and I discovered that there were even family members that knew nothing about the funeral and many friends still in the dark. Jim worked the phones letting everyone we knew have the memorial times, bumping up the list of who was attending about a  100%.  I have told no one besides my kids, my mother and a handful of elderly aunts that knew the Maw in Law.

I'm grumbled to Jim, my mother and my eldest daughter on my thoughts about the fact that the grocery store deli at Winn Dixie would be catering the lunch following the service. In a city filled with better delis, better super market delis and tons of great restaurants and catering companies I'm puzzled by Mrs. Satan's choice. I think it boils down to money, I think they came in with the cheapest bid, and money really should not matter at all. She left plenty of money which we've already divvied up. I know her tastes and ideas after 31 years of being her daughter in law. She would not like this set up at all.

Maw in Law had a top of the line memorial service for her husband, with a wonderful catered lunch afterward (hey, it's Louisiana and most Cajun events are food-related, even funerals) and everything I'm hearing about this service seems nowhere near as nice.

I realize my bitching is ungrateful and my thoughts extraneous since I did nothing to help plan it, but then again we weren't consulted in the least, plus we're living overseas.

I'm likely in for it now anyway because I was discussing in a Facebook thread this morning with my ex Sister in Law what the weather was going to be in South Louisiana for the memorial service, forgetting that I promised we'd not mention it online. I've been seriously verklempting about this trip because of the extreme winter weather throughout the US and in South Louisiana. You know how many winter clothes I have here in Tamarindo? None. I have a few pairs of jeans, two long sleeve tops and sweaters and one rolled up down jacket. De nada for the forecasted thirties of next week.

While we were talking about the weather some people that knew the Maw in Law well through the ex SIL popped into the thread upset that they didn't know Maw in Law was dead and wanting to come to the service, sooooo,, it's likely that the final count for the funeral and luncheon is going to double again and Mrs. Satan is going to have to spend a lot more. I'll be blamed per usual.

I still do not get all this secret squirrel nonsense because my Maw in Law was a university professor with many friends and colleagues that haven't been invited. Why not just list the announcement in the paper and prepare for a crowd. Very badly handled all the way around.  I can see I'm going to have to pack my emergency bottle of valium to get through those three hours, keep a civil tongue in my head and not say what I'm dying to say to Mrs. Satan. Thank God I never have to see her every again. If Jim dies before me I'm banning the two of them from his funeral.

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