Trail of Tears and Blood

 

I've always loved this bullriding statue in Santa Cruz. Today I felt like I was riding the bull.... right on the horns.

It was my birthday, and I've found that holidays and special days seem to hold some extra crazy. I was praying today would not. I turned 64 today. Did some work things this morning involving my book and it was good. Talked to my kids. That was good....

...and then it took a sharp left turn into crazytown. I started hearing from the Aunt Heap in New Orleans about my momma. My mother didn't call, and she has me blocked still. The Aunts again were outraged, which meant I ended up fielding too many angsty phone calls. Again I am expected to put my mother into a nursing home. I've already been told by law enforcement and lawyers that until she takes some sort of bizarre turn there's not a lot I can do legally. I spent too much time explaining this yet again, getting my emotions yanked all over the place and I started crying.

This is why I keep my phone off here if I'm busy.  I don't have spoons for this nonsense. I didn't expect to have the sense of excitement and anticipation I used to get as a kid on my day, but I didn't expect this either.

Turns out my mother was calling various family members phones this morning rather inebriated and trying to leave me a happy birthday message. She called everyone elses phone number than mine. She knows my number.  It sounds like she's starting to spiral into might seriously need to go into care. Talking with a lawyer in the morning. It's a crazy mess and it's tanked my day.

Jim got home from church with a birthday cake and ice cream for me. He ended up dropping the ice cream on the floor where it splattered the wall, cabinets, rug and kitchen floor. I got very upset because I'd hoped for a day to paint and not have to do anything for anyone else in my life. I am so so so sick of doing for others, to the point where I feel close to snapping.

He'd also made a huge thing about my birthday on Facebook so now my timeline has been flooded by people I barely know wishing me a happy birthday. Just makes me feel sadder. He's trying so hard, but failing so deeply. I find that stuff so deeply embarrassing.

We ended up having some hard conversations today. I never even got out of my nightgown all day. I pointed out I am exhausted, a well pumped dry in every way, emotionally and physically and I feel so unseen many days. Yesterday I had the experience of starting a transaction with the cashier in Price Smart, handed them my membership card, pulled out my debit card to pay and they turned to Jim, telling him the total and ignored me completely. I was unnerved by the ignoring, even as I know in a patriarchal society this is what they do.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Missed Stompism

One anecdote I neglected to pass on that had Jim and I puzzling and laughing. Stompy, Jim and I were talking about her upcoming European trip when she mentioned she was going to be in Amsterdam a few days. I squeal and tell her had I know I would be loading her with money and a shopping list for the Van Gogh museum. I really, really, REALLY want that entire set of sweet Samsonite with his almond blossom painting on it. She turns to us and tells sue she's going to the Sex Museum instead. Oh holy crap!
Read more

Bottomless Betty and Blocking the Aunt Heap

Image
  The Chesapeake Bay Bridge last weekend. So where have I been? Back to Louisiana and then up to Maryland. I wanted to check on my mother in her assisted living. It didn't go well at all, even if I stayed ten days. One of my aunts in the Aunt Heap nicknamed my mother 'Bottomless Betty' after she suddenly developed the inability to wear bottoms at all, no pants, no panties, no skirts. It was most bizarre and had a sudden onset. Her dementia has gone haywire in the few months she's been in assisted living. I'm not entirely sure she knew who I was either. This was a shock, her mental status slid so fast it was scary. Did what I could, talked to the folks in the admin office seeking a way to help her. My mother's doctor had tried a drug to slow the dementia but all it did was cause my mother to hallucinate.   Got home on Tuesday night, taking that long airplane ride from Washington, DC to my home near Tamarindo, Costa Rica. Human Greek chorus and alarmist member of...
Read more

Strange Days and Orchids

Image
Water feature from the Orchid Garden near San Jose. Well, it's been a strange week or two. I've lost days to this silly ankle thing. Took off the boot at a week to start doing physical therapy movements, made it two days and now the boot is back on and I'm down to two pain pills. It's healing so slowly this time. Have to do a medical follow up this week. Several days ago we went to a party for a lady we know who is throwing in the towel and going home to the U.S.A. Katie was trying to do that thing that is impossible here on the Gold Coast -- live as a gringo without a steady monthly income. Even a social security pension will not cut it here. It's expensive, but likely not as expensive as life in the U.S.A. is getting lately. Read that there has been a 40% jump in the price of vegetables and fruits last month. Deporting the folks that do all the grunt work there was one very bad idea mixed with those insano tariffs. We have high tariffs here and it inhibits the amo...
Read more