January's Cold Hard Reality

 

About as much fun as getting groped without consent. See I can poke fun at the Democrats too.

Since May/June when we had to fly down to Louisiana because my mother was in the hospital we've all be puzzled over the rapidity of her dementia decline. Was it even possible to lose marbles so suddenly? The best the medical experts would say was "white ischemic matter found throughout brain" with no deeper explanation than "causing dementia".  

Not so now. More tests and a more definitive diagnosis of something I never heard of before - CSVD or 'Cerebral Small Vessel Disease.' Her brain is dying while her body is in tip top condition from her years of excessive workouts. Not an ounce of fat on her body anywhere. Her cardiologist said she has the heart of a much younger woman, even with all the AFib. None of that matters if your brain is toast. The brain is the boss and it needs fat to live and function.

They've tried the limited spectrum of dementia drugs to no avail. She had horrendous side effects.

Doesn't matter anyway. CSVD has around a five year life span from first appearance until the brain nopes out and you die. We were talking, my aunts and I, trying to work out when her first symptoms appeared and I regret to say it was around five years ago. The docs have confirmed she's in end stages of this thing.

So now I'm facing the cold hard reality of this evil thing. Adding to my distress is the fact my mother and I have been oil and water as far back as I remember. Neither us trust or even like each other. However I am still determined to do the right thingf for her, hence the monstrously expensive top of the line memory care place. I took special care to make her entire suite home like and beautiful.

Now I'm looking at other things, like end stage plans. Tonight I have to talk to the aunt who is on the healthcare power of attorney. Why? I don't want extraordinary measures put in place to artificially prolong her life. Comfort care only. The home wants to call hospice in, and I think that's an excellent idea. I used to coordinate hospice care at our local clinic for our patients. It makes a huge different from what I'm seen. I don't want her to suffer. I couldn't live with myself if we took steps that would increase her suffering. It's been awful enough to watch.

I don't know how that conversation with the aunt will go because she'd hidden from me everything going on since I left. More falls, more hospital visits, the home insisting on cameras in the room, and they're starting to make noise about round the clock nursing care at about 20K or so a month. I would gladly pay for it if it was needed. I flew back here a few weeks before Thanksgiving and have only been back under two months now. I needed this so badly, but I needed even more to be consulted more than "Here's the bills"

It's complicated because once Skype shut down our US based phone number stopped working. I have a replacement but it's not a good option. It rarely rings here. I've tried everything, right down to putting the home and nurses on Whatsapp, which I know they use. Nothing doting, de nada. 

So it looks like I'm going back home for who knows how long this time. But I feel the need to do for my mom the same thing I did for my father, hold her hand as she's dying, letting her know it's okay and I love her.

I'm not looking forward to her passing because people are already starting to fight over what they think should happen re the funeral. I also know the step kids that have completely abandoned her will come swooping in to try and claim portions of the estate. Gonna need a xanax the size of Detroit to get through this.

For the record I am leaning towards a simple service and burial, not the nothing one aunt is demanding, or the other the top fancy everything the other aunt wants. It's complicated, Simplicity is the way. 

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