Lying Liars Who Lie

Didn't sleep well last night. Too many memories and too much revisited emotional pain.

One of my friends is going through a very tough time right now. I've spoken to her a number of times recently. So have other friends of mine. Her fiance has been arrested, and some of the things she's saying about what he was charged with do not make much sense.

I don't know if she's so traumatized that she's processing information weirdly. Or if she might be in denial about what this really is. Or perhaps she's keeping most of this to herself. I'm worried about her because for the last six or seven weeks this has been going on she's coming seriously unglued.

Here's the thing I fear. That the fiance is not being honest with her. If that's the case the eventual reveal of his crimes, and his culpability will completely crush her.

I know what that feels like. I have very big trust issues from earliest childhood because one of my closest relatives still to this day has issues with truth. I'm not sure why, I'd bet it's bound up in the free floating anxieties this person deals with by drinking.

Example: Myself as a young mother, working single mother going to school and my toddler daughter were told to be ready to go out to a fancy restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner. We waited, and waited and waited some more before I finally just sighed, pulled out of the freezer two turkey tv dinners so at least we'd have turkey, gravy and mashed potatoes. I'd anticipated that the meal might never happen and planned for that. I never even got a phone call. Days later this person mentioned that they'd been 'too sick' suddenly to show up.

I was raised knowing that the person I should be able to count on for everything wasn't honest, didn't  honor promises, running rough shod not only over me, but all of our relatives. The tales I've heard since becoming an adult confirm it all.

Being taught that at an early age hasn't done me any favors. I tend to be suspicious of everyone until I get to know them very well. I have low expectations of everyone. Which is how I ended up doing research until the wee hours on my friend's boyfriend and finding out he'd possibly been lying.

I'm not going to tell my friend he's lying. She'll find out soon enough. But I will be prepared to try and help her navigate the betrayal and pain. That I have lots of experience with.

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