Beating My Head Against the Wall Again
One of the biggest most horrible things about being back is the husband nagging me a few times a week on what he thinks should happen with my mother and her assets. I finally had to take to telling him to ferme ta bouche please, before I lose my mind. I can only do so much, I am determined to be responsible with every cent, and this whole crap shoot has required oodles of paperwork. Like trying to eat a steak the size of Detroit levels of paperwork. I have discovered the only way I can cope is two fold. 1 - Keep a detailed hand-written ledger of every action. 2 - Take only the size bite I can handle that day. Anything more than that is too much.
Today's crisis was I was contacted about an unpaid bill at Mom's new home. I did sign away my life and provide the home with the obligatory cancelled check, told them I didn't want to be bothered, I just wanted them to do an automatic payment. Apparently they're having some issue with the system right now, or perhaps no one wants to work in the run up to the holidays. I'm feeling pretty bah humbug myself right now.
Thank the Goddess that the Ogress has retreated finally because I don't think I could handle any more stress. Having been away from the property so much this year has left me still playing catch up on long term goals here. We've had to have the termite guy come spray the trees weekly. I'm trying to arrange to have all the cracked concrete stepping stones replaced. Trying to buy new kitchen and laundry room appliances. Inventory everything in the cabinets and clean around it. Add in Christmas and there you have it. I don't even have a tree up this year. Bah bah humbug! Plus I'm still dragging decaffeinated ass around.
Even as I'm settling in again it feels like I've been gone a million years and I'll never catch up again. Then on Friday morning we lost internet. It's a long story, let's just say on the weird little neighborhood we live in there's a large sprawling family that owns three houses on the street, two together and one across the street. The single house is a business now, the yard awash in broken appliances awaiting repair and the porch is filled to the brim with things leaking stuffing needing re-upholstery. I slow down when I pass to take a gander at the flotsam. I envy the guy his professional grade sewing machine. I suspect it's a work horse as much as my Bernina is.
Every few years the aggressive middle aged son that lives in the middle house decides to close the road, the very public road. He and I have mildly knocked heads over it 2 or 3 times. Each time I suddenly loss internet because some asshole in that house cuts my cable from the pole in their yard. It happened again. It wasn't me this time, it was triggered by my friend living in our guesthouse while she builds her retirement home nearby. She pulled over to answer an emergency phone call, Mr. Aggression came storming out of his house because she stopped in front of it and just chewed her out. She told him, and I quote "Fuck off" and a few other fine English curses. This happened the day before the internet went down. Sure enough, it was cut yet again in exactly the same spot. Took the internet company until Sunday afternoon to fix it. Nothing happens rapidly here. I have warned our tenant now not to fight with this idiot.
Friday afternoon I posted on my Facebook my internet was long gone and I didn't know when or how it was coming back so expect zero answering of messages. No internet means no phone calls to or from the house at all. See my first paragraph because that put me a little farther behind working on everything in paperwork.
Sunday evening when the internet came back on my messenger and phone exploded. One of my aunts died. I saw that the daughter tried to call me on my US number. This is an aunt on my father's side, his baby sister who was the same age as my dear husband. She died of Parkensons. A tragedy indeed. The final member of that generation in my father's family.
The last time I saw her was my own father's funeral 1999. Long time. A couple of years ago at the start of my husband's cancer diagnosis her daughter, my cousin reached out to me to call her mother. Apparently her momma said how much she loved me and wished she could hear my voice.
In the natural I didn't want to call her, and I wrestled with my own mind as if I was going to. I never had much in common with her, hadn't seen her in years. I didn't know if I could talk to her because she'd been diagnosis with a pretty serious mental condition way back when I was a mere 12 years old. Her affect was completely flat once they started medicating her, she was quiet and withdrawn. I did end up calling, and it was every bit of the heavy sledding awkward weird as can be. I talked to her a handful of other times. Gritting the teeth, and filling the big gaps with amusing stories of my crazy animal horde here. I did it as a favor to the cousin. I love my aunt, just have nothing in common with her now.
My cousin called from her mother's house on Friday after I lost all contact with the outside world to get me to talk to my aunt one last time. Now she's very angry that I didn't pick, even as I have explained I couldn't pick up. Turns out the entire scrap of stragglers on my dad's family are war path level angry at me, doubly so as I told them I could not see my way free to go to the funeral.
I'm just exhausted. I'm sorry my aunt is gone, but I know my father was there with her. I don't know how to fix this and I feel close to breaking from the stress. I cannot win.
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