So Long, See You Later Big Joe
The last few days, actually weeks, has been sort of rough with the exception of the days in Arenal. My darling husband had being going through quite a lot after finding out a few weeks ago that one of his best friends since middle school, Big Joe, was terminally ill with lung cancer. On Friday he finally passed on even as my husband was fretting and trying to decide if he was going to fly to the States and see Joe. Airline prices had gone nuts after the USA bombed Iran.
I am merely surprised it took this long for Joe to develop lung cancer. Lordy could that man just smoke and smoke and smoke.. and drink beer at Max's bar. I have hoisted a few with Joe at that place listening to his stories of crowd surfing and the local Lansing punk rock scene.
How in knots have I been since this started going down a few weeks ago? Well, let's put it this way last night after I unpacked my new Janome I set it up on the coffee table and started to sew. Sews like a dream, but I had a waking nightmare. I had a flashback to the very young me when I was married briefly to my first husband. He was a rock and roll musician much older than I. After we had a child I spent many days and nights alone as Dan was on the road. Every night after putting our daughter to bed I would come out into the living room and sew. Quilts, clothing for my growing toddler, and for myself. My mind flashed on that last night. Not a memory I wanted to revisit even as I like sewing. Guess its the stress over Big Joe.
The first time I met Big Joe I was unimpressed. The husband, our two toddlers and myself visited Joe at his parent's house where he lived. Husband and Joe sat in the backroom watching television. Joe was taciturn and not friendly, I noticed when the kids or myself entered the den he changed the channel. Spent most of the visit with his chain smoking mother telling me how to parent my kids. I didn't take offense because she was so old, and didn't seem well. Emphysema carried her away a few years later.
Later my husband told me that Big Joe was watching hard core porn and that's why the constant channel changes. I was rather off-put by this and thought to myself that what type of weirdo strange person watches porn with Mom and Dad in the other room?
Through the years when we're go to Michigan I'd demur and stay back at the hotel to read whenever the husband decided to visit Big Joe.
Keep in mind I was a hard core hands in the air screaming the name of Jesus Fundi-Gelical back then, so yes, I was judging Big Joe harshly.
That changed after I left my old church in the end of 2006. I remember visiting Lansing again with the husband. We took Joe out for lunch one day, and he introduced me to the wonders of the Michigan Olive Burger. We started talking cooking that day, continuing on as we went to the Farmer's Market and I got sweet corn to microwave in the hotel room. I got multi colored carrots, fresh cherries and Joe and I got burritos there too. Husband trailed behind us as we talking cooking and Farmer's Market.
I got to see very clearly on that trip that I had seriously misjudged that man in my very self-righteous state all those years. He had a heart of gold, would give you the shirt off his back, a deeply decent guy for someone engaging in the world's wackiest stunts in high school.
After we moved to Costa Rica Joe started calling the husband every day or two. He emailed him every single day note worthy news articles, and sports. Both of them followed the Detroit Tigers. Many times I'd pick up my husband's phone when he was swimming or napping and talk to Joe. I looked forward to hearing his cheery voice. My husband, well, that man loves his naps so I ended up picking up at least half the time.
A few weeks ago my husband said he was worried about Big Joe because the emails and calls stopped abruptly a few weeks before. I remembered that about ten years ago Joe had been hospitalized for a long stretch with Type C Hepatitis. Told him to call around their Michigan mutuals and see if anyone could swing by Sparrow Hospital to see if Joe was there. I figured his Hep C might be back.
Joe was in Sparrow Hospital and no it wasn't Hep C, it was way sadder. Big Joe was being released to hospice in a few days. He had lung cancer. I'm saying it again, in the years I worked at a medical clinic it was rare anyone made old bones while being a heavy smoker. I watched my husband fret and fuss over the decision on if he should go to Michigan or not. I leaned towards not. Found out Big Joe had known he was dying for over a year, and by not telling my husband it was clear he didn't want a fuss with big emotions at the end. He could no longer even speak on the phone. We had to accept his wishes as best we could.
Big Joe, you crowd surfing, cooking, news junkie with a heart of gold, you'll be sorely missed. Godspeed my friend, I'd bet there is some fabulous cooking in the afterlife.
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