It Was November
I've been crushed for days now, cuminating in not sleeping last night and lots of tears. Not only was I molested as a child, but I was raped at 15 by a class mate. So watching Dr. Ford testify and the rage of one Brett Kavanaugh has been very hard to take. I'm feeling like a whipped dog I've been so triggered.
It was November and for close to a year Tony kept asking me to go out with him, on a date. I kept telling him that I was already dating someone from my old school but thanks for asking. I had nothing against Tony, he was one a gang of kids that lived in a nearby subdivision. We all went to Catholic school together. I avoided Tony and pals because they liked to shake down kids for lunch money, they did it the first day I tranferred into that school to me. They were pretty rough and wild.
It was November when Tony knocked on my door. It was afterschool and my mother was still at work. I let him in, why wouldn't I? He was a classmate, we were friendly. No reason to fear Tony, he just wanted to date me.
He came to ask again to go out. I said no again, pointing out again I had a boyfriend in another school. Tony turned very angry. A knife came out and I was forced into sex at knife point. I was 15 and Tony was 17. I remember him saying, "Don't cry, don't cry I just want to love you." Mixed signals, brutality and tender words. Punches and endearments. He said I was his girl now.
After he left I showered, scrubbing hard, trying to wash him from my body, before calling my mother in tears. She rushed home. The police were called.
It was 1975, before rape kits and hospital examinations. I told the cops what happened. I could not stop crying and I had bruises and a black eye from his physical abuse of me. The cops left and went to talk to Tony, who claimed consensual sex immediately. The cops told my mother that since it was my word against his that Tony would not be prosecuted. Told my mother I might just be 'having regret' for the consensual sex. My mothere believed them. My father believed them. My boyfriend believed me.
I struggled in school that year, leaving at the end of the school year. The other kids knew about what happened and made my days there a living hell. The school administrators told me I had to be mistaken about what happened, it was just Tony trying to date me. The school priest who took my confession told me to shut up about it because it might wreck a promising young man's life.
This was the point where my life started to go very haywire, ending up with me eloping with a much older guy. He made me feel safe, at least safer than anyone else in my life.
I've kept track of Tony. He's dead now, cannot hurt me any longer.
It was November and for close to a year Tony kept asking me to go out with him, on a date. I kept telling him that I was already dating someone from my old school but thanks for asking. I had nothing against Tony, he was one a gang of kids that lived in a nearby subdivision. We all went to Catholic school together. I avoided Tony and pals because they liked to shake down kids for lunch money, they did it the first day I tranferred into that school to me. They were pretty rough and wild.
It was November when Tony knocked on my door. It was afterschool and my mother was still at work. I let him in, why wouldn't I? He was a classmate, we were friendly. No reason to fear Tony, he just wanted to date me.
He came to ask again to go out. I said no again, pointing out again I had a boyfriend in another school. Tony turned very angry. A knife came out and I was forced into sex at knife point. I was 15 and Tony was 17. I remember him saying, "Don't cry, don't cry I just want to love you." Mixed signals, brutality and tender words. Punches and endearments. He said I was his girl now.
After he left I showered, scrubbing hard, trying to wash him from my body, before calling my mother in tears. She rushed home. The police were called.
It was 1975, before rape kits and hospital examinations. I told the cops what happened. I could not stop crying and I had bruises and a black eye from his physical abuse of me. The cops left and went to talk to Tony, who claimed consensual sex immediately. The cops told my mother that since it was my word against his that Tony would not be prosecuted. Told my mother I might just be 'having regret' for the consensual sex. My mothere believed them. My father believed them. My boyfriend believed me.
I struggled in school that year, leaving at the end of the school year. The other kids knew about what happened and made my days there a living hell. The school administrators told me I had to be mistaken about what happened, it was just Tony trying to date me. The school priest who took my confession told me to shut up about it because it might wreck a promising young man's life.
This was the point where my life started to go very haywire, ending up with me eloping with a much older guy. He made me feel safe, at least safer than anyone else in my life.
I've kept track of Tony. He's dead now, cannot hurt me any longer.
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