The Sea is a Salty One

  At the hardware store. Dig Jim's crazy pants! Yesterday was kind of fubared beyond all recognition. But I knew it was going to be. One of the pastors at the church Jim attends was supposed to be giving a sermon on Israel. I knew this was going to go sideways. It did. The pastor said you can only watch Fox News because everything else is antisemitism. Baloney! There was a post church unfriendly conversations with Jim and others. He's decided to stop tithing. He wrote a sternly worded email as well. No reply. Typical high demand non-denominational evangelical nonsense.  This is so serious with my husband that he stopped tithing immediately. He's now talking about going back to the dog hair church, which I predict will be another disaster! That's the same place that was teaching on "End Times!!" for the last 3 years that drove Jim nuts. I can hardly imagine the slant there, the usual evangelical promotion of Israel only to bring about the return of Jesus.  Ther...

  Boats at sea. Wish I was. So much going on right now. I haven't felt right in the head since Israel and Hamas started bombing each other. Heart breaks for those on both sides, the desperate families of the hostages and those dead in the first terror attacks and those in harm's way through no fault of their own on the other side. Too much blood has already been shed. Yesterday morning we got very bad news first thing in the morning from Jim's recent repeat of his tests from two months ago. He's scheduled for a biopsy in just under two weeks. I was and am in tears because I've read up on what they think this likely is and it's not good. I wasn't much good afterward, and when I saw what someone I don't much like had done my mouth outran my brain. I don't like the lying about too many things. I don't like she was trying to follow me again after I've blocked her many times. It was all fire and fury coming out of my mouth. I'm ashamed I behav...

  I’m going to puzzle over culture again, and include a cautionary tale of shopping in Costa Rica. Today amply illustrated the triggering of my hunter/gatherer instincts. Just like so many other times here in Costa Rica. I was hunting down pieces of a nativity set. Just a cheap plastic one, but one to replace the one I had for years, since 1988 actually. Back when we’re first moved from the United States to Costa Rica I’d shipped two full pallets of possessions. They arrived in one piece with a few notable exceptions like the small crockpot that arrived with a broken crock. I’d done the packing, the listing of every nth thing. The guys picking up our two pallets said to me that it was obvious I’d packed before for an overseas move. Yes, one to Germany years before. The second shipment of goods didn’t go so well. I packed nothing, but I’d gone through the storage room over our two car garage and labeled where everything went, some to Goodwill, some to my kids, some out ...

 This afternoon at this place Playa Grande! Yep, rainy season so we were walking knowing we might be rained out at any moment. Tide wasn't as low as it is here. Lately I've been catching the tides too high and I knew I was walking a merely two hours after high tide. I wanted to sea bean hunt today. Hitting the beach right after high tide is always a good bet for beans. There was just one problem. A week and a few days ago I'd walked the beach at Tamarindo during the height of high tide and somehow twisted my ankle. Right where I already have issues on the foot and ankle. It's spot where I have a bone spur and every now and then if I move just right a ligament catches on the bone spur and WOOWEEE SUCKA does it hurt! Today I refubbed up my foot.  One of the challenges of hunting for sea beans is that they don't congregate in the edges of the waves like shells do. They end up pushed up the beach with the trash and the seaweed, meaning you have to meander around searchi...

    My husband looking at the estuary at sunset. Estuaries are places in between, not quite ocean, not quite river. I get a sense right now that the world is sitting in a place that is not quite one thing or the other, just like an estuary. These last few days have been rather hard to stomach on many different levels. It has some horrific echos for me of our time living in a high demand religious organization all those years ago. My old church was all in for Israel. In case you’ve been living under a rock, or you do like I do many times which is take a break from the news, Israel has been in the news since Friday. Hamas fired a large number of rockets into Israel. They’ve also taken hostages and barged into a music festival to kill the festival goers. It’s an evolving situation that is beyond awful and tragic. Israel has declared war on Hamas. Let me ask you a question, how can you declare war on a group, not on a nation? I’m not sure. I pray for peace in this sit...

 I wish I would have had a bridge like this one to roll across in several flooded places today! Not today, just a random bridge between Arenal and San Jose. So six years ago today this happened...  Pretend you are looking at a photo of a massive flood.  We had Hurricane Nate roll through Costa Rica, only the second time a hurricane has hit and it happened to hit just as we were trying to fly back to the States to visit our kids after 4 months living here. I cannot even began to tell you what all we went through, but I know I posted here once it was all over. Scary times involving sleeping on the floor of three different airports because we could not get a direct flight out and then having to split up at the Fort Lauderdale airport because we got word while we were waiting that Jim's mother was dying. She died before Jim could get there. Our Journey Part 1 Part 2  Part 3    Part 4  Part 5  Part 6 I know, I know, it's a long read but there were lots...

  A few days ago I did my usual beach walk. It was just so much harder than usual because it was high tide. I’d forgotten to check the tide charts and moon phases before heading out. Few sea beans to be found. After a good hour I trudged back to the restaurant we routinely park at, the place above, and ordered a cold bottle of soda and a few glasses of ice water. The waitress who is a local Tico we know, served my drinks no problem, watching me guzzle the ice water hard. I’d stupidly not filled or packed my beach bottle. She gave me two menus, knowing that my husband would be joining me shortly. After a few minutes I called her back for more ice water and told her I wanted to order an appetizer and a lunch item. She says to me, “You need to wait until your husband gets back so he can approve your order.” I looked at her like she was touched in the head, even as I know that many Ticos hold very sexist patriarchal views. But this was the first time I’d run across...

  Calm blue ocean! Calm blue ocean! Not a photo from yesterday's walk. We're in rainy season so yesterday at the beach was gross, the sand is dirty, the skies were yuck and gray with some thundering and black pendulous storm clouds. Stupidly walked during high tide and twisted one of my ankles. Fit with today. This week I've had a pile of phone calls from my mother. The calls were the usual spinning babbling and not rational. She tried even to steer the conversation to criticizing my aunt who lost her child with many years of addiction struggles. I had to head that off because it was just so inappropriate to do to her baby sister. I try to leave the internet by no later than noon every single day. Usually even earlier because if I'm not limping about like today I get in the pool and walk or swim. So noonish hits, I cook lunch, start laundry, scrub the toilets, etc, etc, etc all the Friday stuff. I leave my computer back in the bedroom and go about my day. Jim takes a na...

The beginning of what we have to traverse to cross the border.  So I've not written or posted in a month. This month has mostly be fear filled. We were routed down to San Jose to one of the country's better urologists because of Jim's one kidney, copious kidney stone problems in the past and the fact he has just one little nubbins of a parathyroid gland. I did sort of snicker uncomfortably when Jim got the up the butt examination of his prostate. He is 71, soon to be 72, and right in the age when the prostate starts to act stupid. Turns out his is highly infected, to the point where the doctor could not say after a sonogram and feeling of the organ if there is or isn't cancer present. It's swollen up 3 times bigger than normal. Now its a waiting game, a months worth of Bactrum to deal with the infection, a pile of other drugs for prostate health and repeat all the tests a month from now. Doctor did say he only found one hard small lump that might be cancerous but he...

  This has been something of a hot mess of a week. Husband back and forth to the clinic. Something has popped up with his urinary tract and as he only has one kidney it's a worry. Waiting right now to hear the results of the tests they ran. Today, being Wednesday, the husband scampered off to teach his English classes, and I did the usual daily housework with the addition things you have to do here in the rainy season. It rained all day. It's still raining. This afternoon I had a huge shock. Someone I have been very friendly with in the Anti Katie Joy community changed their story. It was a significant enough change, along with the others in their little group and I cannot accept it. I know what they said first, and now they've changed it. The new story puts their recent actions towards me in one very bad light. I don't know if I can keep my mouth shut about this and just back away quietly. Maybe if I just log off Twitter and unfriend them on Facebook too this will fade...

Recently I had a church member of my husband’s church ask me why I could not commit to the church and fully embrace the teachings. My answer was vague and slightly comedic to this true believer. I deflected hard. Why? Because there is simply no reasoning with many at this place that describes itself as “That Little Megachurch in the Jungle!” I cringe every single time I hear that sobriquet spill from someone’s lips.   I feel like telling them it’s because of Jerry, a man that walks around with a hand written legend on his grimy once white button up shirt. Jerry took a marker and lettered onto the shirt the words “I am single! I want a lady! I have 3 sisters already! Call 506 5555 1212!” He’s extremely free with his opinions on every topic under the sun, even when you don’t care.   It’s hard to attend the services there as well. I don’t believe much of what I hear coming out of anyone’s mouth in that pulpit. Phrases like “The victory gives us the victory” and “Change the l...

Stinky, not watching television. So I am home in the States again. I've fallen in love with a small cooperative community near my daughter's house that I wish to retire to after our Costa Rican retirement. I'm lazing about visiting friends and buying the huge bulkward of crap needed to keep living in Costa Rica, like a California King good mattress pad with a pillow top, and a fancy turquoise rollator for the airport. No more being pushed around like a sack of crippled potatoes in that airport wheelchair, babbbbbbeeeeeee! On the other hand our newest housesitter is effing crazy, even if she's old. First week, pool guy contacts me to say a) tv in living room on and no one there, and b) mystery cell phones abandoned by pool. Contact the lady in a panic. She tells me that yes, those are her cell phones that she left out by the pool, and that she watched Stinky turn on the tv by walking over the remote. She thought it was something regular he did, and that we let him 'w...

  Likely the only time you see our laundry baskets fully empty. Yesterday was a graphic example to me how the “ radical submission ” and “ always smile, never complain ” of soft or hard complementarianism just does not work on so many levels. We’ve tried it, and were both miserable for those years. It nearly darn near ruined our marriage. Good thing too, because I’m not sure how I would have survived or dealt with things if I was still submitting the way I tried thirty long years ago. For the last eight months I’ve been dealing with a mother who drinks copiously and now comes with the bonus of dementia. Add in the Aunt Heap of hysterical aunties and it’s been a challenging time for me, one in which I had to break down, leave my beach paradise home and fly back to Louisiana to assess the situation.   So what is the situation? Mother needs to be living in a facility, but the alcoholism just complicates everything. She has to do something wacky enough to be eligible for an ...

  Yesterday was the kind of gray fruitless day that colored the last month or so. What happened? Insurance happened. Weather happened too. Lately the weather here hasn't been as sunny as usual during our dry season. The standard dry season day in Guanacaste is a relentless, merciless, cheerful, sunshine. Lately we're had a string of days that starts out sunny until creeping clouds cover everything. It's unnerving, and it tends to shut down our beachwalks and other outdoor fun. The photo above was taken during the rainy season and it rained shortly after. But it's still not that unnerving bland blanket of gray we're experiencing off and on this week and parts of this month. I suspect we're about to have a very truncated dry season. This week has been a frustrating morass of printer hijinks. The old printer decided to stop scanning, no matter what work around I tried. We bought a new one, that my computer promptly refused to see, even if I got my Ipad to connect t...

  Biggest rock I know, Arenal Volcano taken last year. Today was down to Nicoya so my dear husband could see a knee specialist.  Specialist recommends a knee replacement. Husband agreed only to shots and meds first, which I am glad. Everyone I know that gets the dreaded knee replacement says it is the most incredibly painful thing, worse than natural child birth, my personal metric of pain so bad you think you're losing your mind. Plus I know a number of people with very bad outcomes. No desire for that ever. Woke up with one of those terrible head colds that makes one feel like their nose is a faucet. No fever, no lung congestion. Still I drug on through my day like a slow sloth. Only really bright spot was having a fried pineapple pie at the just opened McDonald's in Nicoya! Now Nicoya has their own "Gringo Corner" to compete with Liberia's. Nicoya has at the main intersection a McDonalds, a Burger King and a KFC. Why is it that American fast food is our main ex...

  Our neighbor's house and bananas. Wonderful people! Unlike what I'm about to bitch about. Jim's been eating his muscle relaxers for the bad back last week until he decided on Sunday that he'd had enough, and he attempted to resume his life full tilt boogie without missing a step. I explained with bad backs I usually take the drugs the number of days prescribed, use the heating pad a couple of times a day and avoid doing anything to aggravate the back. Not Jim, he's the worlds worst patient. Can you guess what happened? Happened here on Tuesday. Playa Grande. I stomped around looking for sea beans at low tide nosing through the sea wrack and finding none. I went past the beach at Las Ventanas all the way to the next beach. Not as far away as Playa Mina or Cabo Velas, but close. So far my left leg went almost completely numb. When I came panting back up and traded places with Jim at our Chillbos to guzzle water Jim went for a walk. I am used to walking without much ...

  Where sea and sky meet in Costa Rica! Been a jam packed couple of days. Shuffling the investments around. Buying stuff, and dealing with the copious weirdos here. The guy whose car we stored for free and even got conned into running through inspection just went home for good. The day before we left for the United States he called, trying to get Jim to come fetch him from the hospital in downtown San Jose. We didn't even know car guy was there! Jim said no, of course, since we'd be airborne from Liberia when the hospital was releasing the guy with the purple messed up car. Tried to ask if he was okay, but car guy blew Jim off without a word. But it turns out car guy has lung cancer. Not surprising since he was a heavy smoker. He's sold everything he owns here and jetted off to his home in the frozen north, his trailer, and his socialized medicine for treatment. I hope they caught it in time. I may be annoyed by some of the stunts he pulled but I still wish him the best. No...

  We came back to one of our banana trees blooming. We'll be having fingerlings soon! Excited. What wasn't exciting was coming back here. I walked in all three airports to avoid the United disability corral and possible missing a flight. I walked like a drunk without the fun of actually being a drunk. Will never fly United ever again if I can avoid it! Nothing of any use accomplished with my mother. I think I'm just going to call her, one morning while she's sober, and point out that I wish her to go into a retirement community asap or myself and the aunt heap will no longer be entertaining her hi-jinks. Lay out my position and stick by it. I am a direct person, and don't do passive-aggressiveness well. One of my aunts was so triggered by the way my mother reacted to my visit that she was very difficult to be around. Just explained to her that I always hold zero expectations when dealing with my mother. It's just emotionally safer that way. Jim is sick with a co...

  Exxon Baton Rouge Things have changed dramatically in the past few days. Games have been played, unfun ones involving substance abuse and passive aggressiveness. Finally I got a sense of why the aunt heap is collectively freaking out. Yes, situation very bad with my mother. After my mother lied to me about what she was doing on Sunday and Monday she called up the aunt I am the closest to and ordered her to call me up to tell me that mom was 'too sick' to see me on Tuesday. We'd left it that we'd get together on Tuesday. Somehow this got translated to we'd grab lunch. Not a word about lunch was mentioned between us. Too chicken shit to speak directly to me, and Mom ignored about a dozen calls from me before this. Mom then told my aunt that she'd get together with me for lunch on Thursday. Chicken head Mom, I fly out on Thursday morning! Came for the week, spent a mere four hours with her. Emergency meeting at the aunts. I told them I wash my hands of this mess....

  Calm blue ocean! Calm blue ocean! So now I'm here. I was there. I'm in South Louisiana to see my mother. I saw her yesterday, and all I can say I think my aunts have lost their f#cking minds. They had me super worked up yesterday when I got up, calling and making all sorts of claims against my mother. I just love crying into my coffee. My mother is 82. You're allowed some eccentricities when you reach that age! They're claiming she's playing games with them, and she may well be, but again she's 82. I think she would benefit from getting someone in to help with the house and with meals, like a service such as Home Instead. But she's nowhere near ready for the nursing home. I am concerned over her lack of eating. I did see evidence of that, and no food in the house. But I'm visiting tomorrow, first I'm stocking up, buying her groceries. I always do when I visit. Things I know she'll eat like peanut butter, soups and tuna. Some very basic supplies...