Objects in the Rear View Mirror Look Farther Away
The interesting thing to me about being nearly twelve years post-Quiverfull Evangelical is when old memories pop up. I absolutely could not be farther away from that old life, living like rich Eurotrash in Central America.
When the memories pop up I am frequently astounded by what I put up with. Things that either make me laugh at their ridiculous nature, or because they were crazily toxic. Take last night for example. I cooked dinner, something light and simple, baked beans, hot dogs and salad. Just like that as I was grilling each of us a hot dog I flashed on an incident that had to be twenty years old.
At some point we'd had my personal Fundy bete noir with his family over for a quick meal one summer evening. Hot dogs. One minute I am cooking in my kitchen here near Tamarindo and suddenly Tom Smith is yelling at me for not grilling the buns in butter and not having any of the condiments to make Chicago-style hotdogs.
I haven't thought about that incident in twenty years. I remember being perturbed and asking Tom how he justified demanding things at someone else's house. I also remember Tom answering me that his wife knew his expectations for hot dogs and made sure he had the finest in all things because he was king of his castle and in charge of her. "But, Tom," I said, "they're just hot dogs and I'm fixing them like I always do..no king, no castle, no disrespect meant."
I wish I'd have said "You're lucky I'm not microwaving them, sucker!" with a laugh and a swagger.
This is the exact kind of mean-spirited demanding baby-tantrum man you get if you follow the cheerfully wait on your husband hand and foot so he has no needs advice given out by Lori Alexander and others. You get guys that expect you to go to ridiculous lengths routinely, who demand it, whose expectations are all out of wack for what's on tap. Everyone is stressed out and unhappy in these types of marriages from my observation.
Of course this is all a cautionary tale too, because of what happened later with Tina and Tom Smith. Tina's MS has progressed such that she's completely bedridden now and Tom, King Baby, is the one nuking their meals now.
My takeaway is this: Be grateful whenever someone else feeds you, no matter if they don't do things the same way you do.
When the memories pop up I am frequently astounded by what I put up with. Things that either make me laugh at their ridiculous nature, or because they were crazily toxic. Take last night for example. I cooked dinner, something light and simple, baked beans, hot dogs and salad. Just like that as I was grilling each of us a hot dog I flashed on an incident that had to be twenty years old.
At some point we'd had my personal Fundy bete noir with his family over for a quick meal one summer evening. Hot dogs. One minute I am cooking in my kitchen here near Tamarindo and suddenly Tom Smith is yelling at me for not grilling the buns in butter and not having any of the condiments to make Chicago-style hotdogs.
I haven't thought about that incident in twenty years. I remember being perturbed and asking Tom how he justified demanding things at someone else's house. I also remember Tom answering me that his wife knew his expectations for hot dogs and made sure he had the finest in all things because he was king of his castle and in charge of her. "But, Tom," I said, "they're just hot dogs and I'm fixing them like I always do..no king, no castle, no disrespect meant."
I wish I'd have said "You're lucky I'm not microwaving them, sucker!" with a laugh and a swagger.
This is the exact kind of mean-spirited demanding baby-tantrum man you get if you follow the cheerfully wait on your husband hand and foot so he has no needs advice given out by Lori Alexander and others. You get guys that expect you to go to ridiculous lengths routinely, who demand it, whose expectations are all out of wack for what's on tap. Everyone is stressed out and unhappy in these types of marriages from my observation.
Of course this is all a cautionary tale too, because of what happened later with Tina and Tom Smith. Tina's MS has progressed such that she's completely bedridden now and Tom, King Baby, is the one nuking their meals now.
My takeaway is this: Be grateful whenever someone else feeds you, no matter if they don't do things the same way you do.
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