Attacks
This morning I underwent one of the most intense asthma attacks I've had in one very long time. Ironically I'd been doing so much better than I'd downsized to a new purse, a small one I'd made out of Moda fabric selvages and sewing odds and ends. I had the basics of meds with me, but not my Wynd filter, my filtering mask, my pulse oxy meter, my portable neb, most of my meds and my epipen. I'd done so well with moderate to mostly minor attacks that I'd lightened up my daily load. Big mistake!
It started with a woman I did not recognize came into the church and sat next to me, She reeks, literally reeked, like she'd bathed in cheap cologne. Within seconds my airways narrowed, I had to get up and move away from her and start rescue breathing.
Medicated with the small amount of basics I had with me, sat back and continued on with the rescue breathing while futilely praying to the universe that the meds would kick in. Then the panic attack started, that silly side effect if the asthma is particularly bad.
I kept thinking about driving home and abandoning Jim to his job selling t-shirts at the church. But there was one problem. I was getting not enough oxygen at that point to trust myself to drive home. So I sat, getting black spots in my vision while continuing the breathing methods to keep my vocal cords from slamming shut during the asthma.
As the asthma meds kicked in, starting to ease my breathing the anxiety component got worse, and I sat there silently weeping during the sermon. By the time the service was over the worst of it had finally passed. I washed my face as Jim finished up before making myself go talk to the fill in pastor about his sermon.
After church we had an unexpected guest, a guy from Sweden who is a student here, and so lonely. Somehow after throwing in the rest of my meds I was able to function in a normal enough fashion to go out to lunch and behave reasonable well. But I know I'm going to pay for that later today and into tomorrow. I already feel exhausted beyond all reason.
I think I'm going to have to do what I used to do back when my asthma was the worst, keep a packed shopping bag in the backseat of the car with the travel neb and assorted drugs. It's just too hard otherwise.
Damn, and here I thought I was doing so much better.
It started with a woman I did not recognize came into the church and sat next to me, She reeks, literally reeked, like she'd bathed in cheap cologne. Within seconds my airways narrowed, I had to get up and move away from her and start rescue breathing.
Medicated with the small amount of basics I had with me, sat back and continued on with the rescue breathing while futilely praying to the universe that the meds would kick in. Then the panic attack started, that silly side effect if the asthma is particularly bad.
I kept thinking about driving home and abandoning Jim to his job selling t-shirts at the church. But there was one problem. I was getting not enough oxygen at that point to trust myself to drive home. So I sat, getting black spots in my vision while continuing the breathing methods to keep my vocal cords from slamming shut during the asthma.
As the asthma meds kicked in, starting to ease my breathing the anxiety component got worse, and I sat there silently weeping during the sermon. By the time the service was over the worst of it had finally passed. I washed my face as Jim finished up before making myself go talk to the fill in pastor about his sermon.
After church we had an unexpected guest, a guy from Sweden who is a student here, and so lonely. Somehow after throwing in the rest of my meds I was able to function in a normal enough fashion to go out to lunch and behave reasonable well. But I know I'm going to pay for that later today and into tomorrow. I already feel exhausted beyond all reason.
I think I'm going to have to do what I used to do back when my asthma was the worst, keep a packed shopping bag in the backseat of the car with the travel neb and assorted drugs. It's just too hard otherwise.
Damn, and here I thought I was doing so much better.
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