Restoration Not Reinvention

Pulling up to the gates leading to our home. It is my safe place that restores my soul, At least when Jim's not yelling at the television screen while watching football.

 The past few days I've been pondering what types of trauma are most of us walking around with the scars of.  I think truthfully we all are. I've seen a couple of ladies that were moderators on other sites come forward with some horrific tales of being abused by the site owner. One so badly she lost her job, and the site owner turned her own young adult son against her. Hearing her tears, regret and distress live on a livestream video the last few days has been hard to take. Heartbreaking.

I'm watching someone I love in the States taking plans and actions against their ex because he's behaving in an unsafe enough manner that it convinces me she's reacting to him out of her ptsd.

One of the things I've done this week is rewatch a television show I saw with my youngest daughter a few years ago. A show called "The Act" involving the story of Gypsy Rose Blanchard, who had a mother with serious Munchhausen by Proxy she killed to get away from

. We sat there, side by side, watching as Dee Dee hovered, and smothered, and abused Gypsy while scamming the world. It was uncomfortable to see, and for me it brought trauma lurking just below the surface I was not even aware was there, twenty plus years later. It lead to some good discussions between my daughter and I. She has her own trauma to work out from those years too. Life is a constant restoration act more than a reinvention.

It was easier this time around, even if now I'm wondering why any parent could possibly think they alone could control ever facet of their children's life. Being the parent of a chronically ill child is awful in so many ways, You labor under so much fear, guilt, desire to take away your child's suffering. I hovered afterwards for many years. It can really screw you up.


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