With Friends Like These....

 

This is my rocking chair, mahogany and tooled leather. I sure would like the opportunity to sit it in every now and then.

Brace  yourself. I'm going to rant. I'm going to rant long and hard about my husband's inability to say no.

We were still in the States a few weeks ago and the pinging of help requests didn't stop. From the pastor of the new church and from our neighbor, the hapless abandoned wife of Jim's scampered off BFF here. As much as the requests for help veered into pita (pain in the ass for all  you non acronyming folks), it was good to be able to say "Sorry, no. Not in country now"

This week has been a doozy of calls. First from the pastor, right down to wanting us to allow a member we know with 'marital problems' to camp out in our guesthouse indefinitely until he decides what to do.  Jim, lovely pastor pleasing people pleasing Jim, told the pastor he'd have to talk to me, and the pastor thought it was a done deal, telling the guy to hit up Jim for free housing.

I had objections on several accounts. First, marriage problems aren't fun, that's true, but unless there is a decision to separate and divorce, or threats of violence or active abuse you likely should try to stay, talk to your spouse, go to marriage counseling, take needed actions, make necessary plans and arrangements and man up. Don't run away from the problem, but take actions to resolve the issues, ether way. I saw what happened when at the old church we'd housed feuding spouses, and the stays just enabled more silly drama, like a wife that kept showing up screaming, and a husband that called every ten minutes all night long, fights on the lawn, you name it. Never again! Peace and quiet only. Have your marriage drama on your own front lawn!

Second - Post stroke and I had three very bad days being almost unable to walk. I was in no condition to play hostess, add any additional chores to what I barely stumble through now. We're going to be hiring another lady to clean soon, and I'm not eager to pay her to clean this house and that house too. It's just too much on me. Right now I dust/vacuum in there once a month, everything is swathed in dust sheets and the bedding/towels/rugs are stored away in plastic bags.

I managed to run into the pastor while out and about this week and hissing like a hostile goose let him know that I did not approve because it was adding to my burden during stroke recovery. He backed off, they found somewhere else for the man pondering his marriage problems.  I hope it was back home.

But the biggest hassle that's kept me from the rocking chair is the silly neighbor lady. So far just this week - 

  • Needed a ride to church on Sunday
  • Needed someone to pick up her daughter from ballet on Monday, Wednesday and Friday
  • Started having back problems, calling asking if we had leftover narcotics, muscle relaxers, massagers, various and sundry supplies. This started on Sunday and continued on until late Tuesday
  • By Wednesday morning said she was in extreme pain and needed a ride to the Caja. The Caja in the next village over? Nope, the big Caja clinic over an hour away so she could get IV meds for her sciatica. 
  • Wednesday night I had to drive back to the big Caja (socialized medicine for locals and residents) to pick her up, get her meds filled, help her pick up fruits and vegetables at the fruit stand and get her home.
  • Late late Wednesday night/early Thursday morning she started messaging Jim to tell him she was in worse pain and needed a ride to the private clinic here for more drugs. He talked her out of it.
  • Thursday morning she started messaging both of us talking about going to the private clinic only to say she would need to borrow the clinic fee from us. We'd already loaned her money the day before to pick up meds and groceries.
  • Thursday afternoon she messages us to say that her cable and internet are out and wants to know if it's okay for her daughter to come over, use our internet to do homework.
  • Which leads us to today. She started making noise again about going to the clinic, right up until someone got her some muscle relaxers. She did ask that we do her grocery shopping for her this week.

Keep in mind we only landed back from the States last Thursday before this started up again on Sunday. No bueno at all.

I get that Jim feels obligated to help her because he feels bad about his friend straight up abandoning her to move back to the States. But at the same time it's just constant. Every single day is a new drama. I know Jim sees himself as the knight in shining armor rescuing the damsel in distress. This has gotten ridiculous. 

One of my friends I was venting to about this asked me if I thought she was making a play for Jim. I had to laugh. Why? Well, Jim is pretty true blue, I cannot see him ever cheating based on the last 38 years we've known each other. Plus Jim likes pretty. She's not, poor thing. He's mentioned to me before that he thinks that's one of the reasons the husband ran off with a 40 something that takes care of her appearance. It's hideous, but it's true for men of a certain generation to be swayed more by the random pretty face. 

She was raised in fundamentalism, in a household where women stayed home and men worked. Until she married she was under her father's little fiefdom and then transferred to her new husband's control. I think she's never had to do things for herself and there's the place all of her constant requests are coming from.

I am about to put a boundary in place. I hate doing it, but I hate my peace and quiet being disturbed, the constant bombardment of requests. It's just too much!

Tomorrow we're finally getting rid of the 30 plus year old jeep another friend parked here. We're bringing it to him at the airport in the morning. That costly obligation is gone, gone, gone, and we had to tell that buddy he needed to find somewhere else to live. He's wanted to move into our guesthouse for a month or so. I was uncomfortable with that idea because he's been open about his visits by ladies of night, drinking and other somewhat squishy things.

These are all good Christian church people. And people in the church wonder why everyone outside of the church is not eager to join. These things are part of the reason.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Missed Stompism

One anecdote I neglected to pass on that had Jim and I puzzling and laughing. Stompy, Jim and I were talking about her upcoming European trip when she mentioned she was going to be in Amsterdam a few days. I squeal and tell her had I know I would be loading her with money and a shopping list for the Van Gogh museum. I really, really, REALLY want that entire set of sweet Samsonite with his almond blossom painting on it. She turns to us and tells sue she's going to the Sex Museum instead. Oh holy crap!
Read more

Bottomless Betty and Blocking the Aunt Heap

Image
  The Chesapeake Bay Bridge last weekend. So where have I been? Back to Louisiana and then up to Maryland. I wanted to check on my mother in her assisted living. It didn't go well at all, even if I stayed ten days. One of my aunts in the Aunt Heap nicknamed my mother 'Bottomless Betty' after she suddenly developed the inability to wear bottoms at all, no pants, no panties, no skirts. It was most bizarre and had a sudden onset. Her dementia has gone haywire in the few months she's been in assisted living. I'm not entirely sure she knew who I was either. This was a shock, her mental status slid so fast it was scary. Did what I could, talked to the folks in the admin office seeking a way to help her. My mother's doctor had tried a drug to slow the dementia but all it did was cause my mother to hallucinate.   Got home on Tuesday night, taking that long airplane ride from Washington, DC to my home near Tamarindo, Costa Rica. Human Greek chorus and alarmist member of...
Read more

Strange Days and Orchids

Image
Water feature from the Orchid Garden near San Jose. Well, it's been a strange week or two. I've lost days to this silly ankle thing. Took off the boot at a week to start doing physical therapy movements, made it two days and now the boot is back on and I'm down to two pain pills. It's healing so slowly this time. Have to do a medical follow up this week. Several days ago we went to a party for a lady we know who is throwing in the towel and going home to the U.S.A. Katie was trying to do that thing that is impossible here on the Gold Coast -- live as a gringo without a steady monthly income. Even a social security pension will not cut it here. It's expensive, but likely not as expensive as life in the U.S.A. is getting lately. Read that there has been a 40% jump in the price of vegetables and fruits last month. Deporting the folks that do all the grunt work there was one very bad idea mixed with those insano tariffs. We have high tariffs here and it inhibits the amo...
Read more