The Dilatory Dilettante Duet
One of the great pleasures of living in Costa Rica is the mix of people, the types of Americans you might not normally find in your sphere of influence. While I would never be bold enough to name my kid after a Norse god, or work as a physical therapist it's been a joy getting to know Maggie.
I have another lady I know well from New Jersey who has started coming down to Costa Rica more frequently than before. She's around my own age, late 50s, and she cares for her thirty something son with cognitive difficulties. It's taken a toll on her, she's developed some serious health issues and depression, at least until her husband started getting her to come rest and recharge in Costa Rica. Her times here are getting longer and longer with lesser periods with the son. Her son is transitioning to a group situation with simple tasks he can do, and living with other young adults with challenges. One day soon she, and her husband will retire here and spend less time in New Jersey visiting the son. She needs this, she's exhausted, but the time here has been refreshing.
Someone else I know, Tess-Tess, seems a bit unsure here. She hasn't embraced the lifestyle here yet quite like many of us have. She flies back to the States at the drop of a hat, has made no effort to acclimate, shipped no possessions. She's nice, I like her, but it's pretty obvious that she does not really want to be here. She likes the idea of Costa Rica living, but not the actual reality of it. That's okay because it's not for everyone.
She's more the dilettante than the expat. But I'm not entirely sure she realizes this, or if she's in complete denial about not really wanting to be here.
Tess-Tess isn't the only flailing dilettante I'm dealing with. There is also someone that used to be a friend, maybe she still is. But she's said one thing and done another, flailing about here and there. Ten years ago I took over her project. She's skipped about, very unseriously, asking for money from this one and that one, seeking publicity, yet done none of the boots on the ground work I have. She disappeared for three years, reemerging recently, still flailing about.
Today, a time when I was having something of a stress melt down because unexpected guests were sprung on me with only a few minutes, she approaches, just as I feared she might do. She wants the project back after ten years of no action on her part. Why? Money. She said she cannot support herself on the government stipend she gets so she wants me to hand over our project yet again. Just so she can support herself on it.
One of the big things she has not considered is that some things have changed drastically, the direction of the project, the entire landscape of funding, and society. I am not doing this because of money. I get very little to do it, it's more of an obsession, passion per se. Nothing stays the same forever.
I am not going to do hand over my own hard work to her. I have blood, sweat and tears in this. Where was she all this time? Her approach has put steel in my spine. I may take a small sabbatical, and add a few team members, but I will be back at hammer and tongs very shortly. Then I have to have the difficult conversation with her where I explain that she's got a horrible track record of sticking with or finishing things, so I cannot just hand my own work over to her without any assurance it will continue. The other issue is that it has come out that she's collected a tremendous amount of money from others and used it in questionable ways, as a result her reputation is not the best. It can only harm the project if she's connected to it again.
One should never let money be their prime motivation in the things they do.
Tomorrow I have to figure out how to craft a kind but concise statement explaining that she is not connected to the project at all, and never will be while wishing her well. Let her find something else to toy with before becoming bored and skipping off.
I have another lady I know well from New Jersey who has started coming down to Costa Rica more frequently than before. She's around my own age, late 50s, and she cares for her thirty something son with cognitive difficulties. It's taken a toll on her, she's developed some serious health issues and depression, at least until her husband started getting her to come rest and recharge in Costa Rica. Her times here are getting longer and longer with lesser periods with the son. Her son is transitioning to a group situation with simple tasks he can do, and living with other young adults with challenges. One day soon she, and her husband will retire here and spend less time in New Jersey visiting the son. She needs this, she's exhausted, but the time here has been refreshing.
Someone else I know, Tess-Tess, seems a bit unsure here. She hasn't embraced the lifestyle here yet quite like many of us have. She flies back to the States at the drop of a hat, has made no effort to acclimate, shipped no possessions. She's nice, I like her, but it's pretty obvious that she does not really want to be here. She likes the idea of Costa Rica living, but not the actual reality of it. That's okay because it's not for everyone.
She's more the dilettante than the expat. But I'm not entirely sure she realizes this, or if she's in complete denial about not really wanting to be here.
Tess-Tess isn't the only flailing dilettante I'm dealing with. There is also someone that used to be a friend, maybe she still is. But she's said one thing and done another, flailing about here and there. Ten years ago I took over her project. She's skipped about, very unseriously, asking for money from this one and that one, seeking publicity, yet done none of the boots on the ground work I have. She disappeared for three years, reemerging recently, still flailing about.
Today, a time when I was having something of a stress melt down because unexpected guests were sprung on me with only a few minutes, she approaches, just as I feared she might do. She wants the project back after ten years of no action on her part. Why? Money. She said she cannot support herself on the government stipend she gets so she wants me to hand over our project yet again. Just so she can support herself on it.
One of the big things she has not considered is that some things have changed drastically, the direction of the project, the entire landscape of funding, and society. I am not doing this because of money. I get very little to do it, it's more of an obsession, passion per se. Nothing stays the same forever.
I am not going to do hand over my own hard work to her. I have blood, sweat and tears in this. Where was she all this time? Her approach has put steel in my spine. I may take a small sabbatical, and add a few team members, but I will be back at hammer and tongs very shortly. Then I have to have the difficult conversation with her where I explain that she's got a horrible track record of sticking with or finishing things, so I cannot just hand my own work over to her without any assurance it will continue. The other issue is that it has come out that she's collected a tremendous amount of money from others and used it in questionable ways, as a result her reputation is not the best. It can only harm the project if she's connected to it again.
One should never let money be their prime motivation in the things they do.
Tomorrow I have to figure out how to craft a kind but concise statement explaining that she is not connected to the project at all, and never will be while wishing her well. Let her find something else to toy with before becoming bored and skipping off.
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